Tuesday, June 07, 2005
| Hydrochloric Bangs - Thank you Jessica Simpson! Well, I’m proud to report that my fire engine red face has now simmered down to a cool magenta. My eyes were actually swollen a bit last night and Paul tried to cool them with a Key Lime ice pop. Needless to say, I didn’t ask for ice pops on my eyes and when he did it, I screamed in pain. And also in annoyance. Who wants to get off their ass to wipe green sugar goop off their eyes? Surely not me. And Laverne not Paul. I’ve totally used that joke twice in one week. And it wasn’t even that good of a joke. So last night I’m standing in front of the mirror getting ready to wash my face when I noticed the most peculiar thing. My “bangs” (as though boys have bangs) have turned blonde! UM! Usually I have very dark brown (almost black) hair in the winter and then during the summer, it becomes a lighter brown. But never before have I had blonde bangs in front. I was wondering what the fuck did that when Paul pointed out that it’s from the Proactive solution I’ve been using. HUH. I had no idea! And to be totally honest, I LOVE the blonde in front. I’m totally turning into a gay punk. Rocker that is. I told Paul that I’m going to start washing my hair with Proactive. I’m going to look so fucking cool! As I said yesterday, I’m having dinner with one of my readers tonight. I’m a little bit nervous about it only because it doesn’t seem as though we have that much in common, other than the fact that we both think I’m the super best! Sike. Well, sorta sike. He doesn’t drink alcohol, which is great for him, but makes me think that I shouldn’t drink alcohol. But since that would never happen… I’m taking him to this healthy restaurant for dinner since he doesn’t put shit in his body the way I do. This kid sounds super cool, but it is very possible that I’m going to scare him off with my alcoholism and cigarette smoking. Ah well, to each his own, I guess. Luckily I have some awesome jokes prepared to make the conversation lively. Why don’t I run one by you and you can tell me if I’ll keep him laughing: On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack. Boooooooooooooooooooowaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha! Holy SHIT that’s comedy. Oh man, I’m in trouble. In any case…I’ll just have to win him over with my new blonde Proactive bangs. I was talking to Kelly this morning and she told me that 4 out of the 8 people at my party got some sort of food poisoning from our party. Um. I don’t really understand how it happened since we served pizza rolls and pigs in a blanket, but still! Four of them puked for two days. I was completely fine and so was Paul and Ari, but there must have been some sort of bacteria in the food they ate. Or maybe they haven’t washed their hands in like 4 days. And to be totally honest, my friend Mariah showers about once a millennium, so it makes sense why she got sick. As for Kelly, she helped me make the food, so what happened?!?! I’m about to leave to have my Tuesday ritual lunch with Miss Ari. I’m muchly excited. Today should be fun. I have lunch plans, dinner plans, and plans to jerk my cock so hard when I get home. I’m going to blow my load right on to the dog. Only because we have to give him back to his owner this week. And really, it’s only fair that she should have to clean up my jizz bomb. Have a Happy Tuesday everyone! |
